Your Job Isn't Just About Meeting Expectations - Here's What Really Drives Your Career
How shifting your mindset from external validation to personal reflection can transform your career path.
Hey, I’m Merry 👋 I’ve spent the last decade designing learning programs, helping people take their next career steps, and building products that support adult learning - at places like Amazon and TikTok. With a Master’s in Education from Harvard, I’m all about helping people figure out what they’re good at, what they love, and how to build careers that actually fit. This Substack is where I share advice and lessons on navigating the workplace and growing in your career.
Measuring success as a young professional
When I started my first job out of college as an Area Manager at Amazon, my idea of success in the role completely revolved around external validation and meeting goals set by others. I spent most of my time obsessing over the KPIs and metrics defined by upper management, constantly comparing myself to the standards they set.
For example, when I managed a team of dozens of fulfillment center associates, I was laser-focused on our productivity rates. If our numbers improved, I felt confident and reassured that I was doing a good job, especially when my manager acknowledged the progress. But the moment our productivity rates slipped, or I got feedback about needing to improve efficiency, I immediately started doubting myself and scrambled to adjust my approach to what our senior leaders wanted to see.
At the time, success, to me, was simply about meeting and exceeding the expectations of my leaders and doing everything in my job description. Positive feedback made me feel like I was succeeding, while criticism made me question whether I was cut out for the job.
But as I settled into the role and had a better handle on my responsibilities, I started to ask myself, “What does it really mean to succeed and grow professionally?”
Shifting how we define growth
As I've grown in my professional journey, I've realized that true growth isn't just about how well you fulfill your job responsibilities; it's also about how you interpret and reflect on your experiences. Rather than asking only, "Am I succeeding in the eyes of management?", you need to ask yourself what you are gaining from the role, understand what you like and don’t like, and then use that information to guide you in your career journey.
This shift in reflecting aligns closely with Robert Kegan’s Constructive Developmental Theory (CDT), a concept I explored in my Adult Development course in grad school. Kegan, an American psychologist and professor at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, suggests that people progress sequentially through five stages of how they make sense of the world:
Stage 1 (Impulsive Mind) - Driven by impulses and immediate gratification (this is primarily seen in children)
Stage 2 (Instrumental Mind) – Focused on own personal/self interests; those in this stage view relationships as transactional (~6% of adults)
Stage 3 (Socialized Mind) – Driven primarily by external expectations and societal norms (~58% of adults)
Stage 4 (Self-Authoring Mind) – Questions societal norms, defines personal values, and sets independent goals (~35% of adults)
Stage 5 (Self-Transforming Mind) – Highly reflective, open to continuous reevaluation of perspectives, and embraces ambiguity and complexity (~1% of adults)
Most adults operate in the third stage, the Socialized Mind, especially when early in their careers - like I did. Being at this stage is completely normal and provides important structure, guidance, and a sense of belonging. This is when someone follows established norms and expectations set by society. Their understanding of the world is shaped by their workplace, family, friends, and the institutions they’re a part of, which increases their feeling of belonging in the world. This is when someone believes that the standards that are set are the way things should be.
At the fourth stage, the Self-Authoring Mind, people question the norms that surround them. They start realizing that people can have different beliefs from what others say. This behavior shows up in leaders, entrepreneurs, and people who break away from traditional roles. People start shaping their own perspectives, values, and beliefs. They’re not as influenced by others and they can see situations from multiple perspectives. Relating to careers, it can mean coming up with your own definition of success and directing your own career path.
The final stage in this framework is the Self-Transforming Mind which only 1% of adults reach. Folks who are in this stage are extremely reflective - they understand that their views from the previous stage can evolve. They often question their perspectives and are okay with changing their own views. In the scope of careers, they adapt and challenge their assumptions about what “career success” looks like.
Cultivating a Self-Authoring mindset
Fulfillment and demonstrating resilience in your career comes when you move towards the fourth stage, the Self-Authoring Mind. To truly grow professionally, you need to shift from seeking external validation to defining success on your terms.
How do you do that?
You can start by figuring out what matters most to you. Instead of focusing on a title or a promotion, think about how you can develop specific skills – leadership, communication, technical expertise – in your job. You can also think about what personal success “metrics” are meaningful to you, like the impact your work has on others, the quality of relationships at work, and your general well-being.
A self-authoring mindset empowers you to create your own professional narrative and set your own standards. Start asking questions like:
"What impact do I want to have?" (rather than, "What impact should I have?")
"How can my work align with my personal values and aspirations?" (rather than, "How can I fit myself into existing expectations?")
“What does meaningful growth look like to me?”
(rather than, "What growth does my manager or company expect from me?")“What skills or talents do I truly want to develop?”
(rather than, "What skills do others expect me to have?")“Which opportunities at my job align with the life I’m trying to create?”
(rather than, "What opportunities are others pursuing or suggesting for me?")
Adopting this perspective of setting your own standard of success transforms your relationship with work. This mindset shift increases your sense of fulfillment, purpose, autonomy, and motivation - all qualities that are vital to career growth, whether you're just starting out or are decades into your career.
Making meaning of your job
This week, reflect on how you think about your current job or role. Are you mostly driven by external validation, or are you beginning to form your own definition of success? Then think through the questions above.
By focusing on these questions, you will shift from merely fulfilling expectations to proactively shaping your professional journey. You’ll not only find greater clarity in your career but also discover opportunities that genuinely resonate with you.
Remember: success isn't just about checking boxes; it's about creating meaning from your current experiences that will allow you to craft a career path that’s uniquely yours.
Merry